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Qualität des Beitrags: Beteiligte Poster: newnativspirit - evenstar - enelya06 - eddiefever - Idril Forum: NewNativeSpirit Message Board Forenbeschreibung: A place where you can make new friends who are interested in Native American culture and its people aus dem Unterforum: General topics Antworten: 31 Forum gestartet am: Montag 31.07.2006 Sprache: englisch Link zum Originaltopic: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!! Letzte Antwort: vor 16 Jahren, 11 Monaten, 4 Tagen, 5 Stunden, 33 Minuten
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Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 14.05.2007, 22:50Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Friday night! After a long day at work and already feeling sick, I only wanted to sleep !!! My mom told me that my daughter Emma wasnīt doing fine coughing a lot. She was already sleeping in my momīs bed and cause my parents do live in the same house we agreed that Emma will stay there and that my mom will come and wake me up, if needed. So everything could have been fine and I could have enjoyed a night without Emma, but for some reason I couldnīt fall asleep (which made me angry). At about 2 a.m. I heard that my son was coming home from going to the pubs with his friends - but something was different! I heard the door opening and closing - then opening again. I should have got up to check on it, but I was too tired. Then I heard that he tried to open the door again - and it took him VERY long! I already recognized that he must have been very drunk that night, but let him go. Heīs old enough to drink, then heīs old enough to handle being drunk! Right after he entered his room I hear him coughing and throughing up! Still I didnīt get up to check on him, cause I never thought that he would puke into his room !!!! Only a few minutes later I heard him coughing and puking real bad. Finally I got up to check on him and opened the door - it was really bad !!! He has a basket where he puts his laundry in and that was where he decided to place it the first time :? - now he was lying in his bed in the middle of it :( ! I asked him how much alcohol he had and he told me that all he had was already gone again !!! I asked him to get up and clean his bed and himself. So he did and then finally started puking again and again and again ... we have this virus going around again and so I finally thought that he may really be sick. He didnīt look good and asked me to call the doctor (it was already like 2:30 in the morning) and so I did. The doc told me to get some med for my son and the next drugstore who was open that night was like 15 km away. It was a stormy and rainy night and I didnīt feel good myself, but decided to go, cause I wanted to help my kid! My son went back to bed and I left with almost no more gas in the car tank! I was kind of afraid of going by myself in the middle of that dark night. It was scary - especially after I "met" some wildboars who were crossing the street !!! :shock: I got him the medicine and found a gas station to get some more gas and finally made it back home save - lol. I went into his room and he was sleeping. I woke him up and asked him if he was throughing up again and he was looking at me and said something like "havnahapela" - I was like "WHAT?" - "havnahapela" "ok - a simple yes or no would help" He sat up in his bed and started saying something like "you donīt understand me! I already told them that they will have to take the mother to the left ..." At that moment I realized that he was so damned drunk that he couldnīt even control his tongue no more !!! I was yelling at him, cause I got so mad "you damn ************! I had to call the doctor and go to this drugstore for a totally drunk guy? Do you have any idea that I will have to work tomorrow and that I need to get some sleep instead of driving around in the middle of the night" He didnīt even react ! He was totally drunk and didnīt hear me no more! I was so mad and it was already almost 4 in the morning. Of course, I couldnīt sleep after this and so it was like 5 when I finally felt asleep to get up again at 9 in the morning. I told my mom, when she was bringing Emma to me and she was checking on "the poor boy" !!! He was doing better and we shouldnīt worry. I DIDN`T WORRY AT ALL !!!! :x :x :x When he finally got up hours later (hahaha) he was smiling at me "Good morning" - Iīm doing fine - Iīm ok! "oh, you are! Thatīs good ! Iīm not doing fine! Especially not after driving around last night for no reason" He starred at me! He couldnīt remember that he asked me to call the doctor and that I had to go to the drugstore - he just couldnīt remember!!! Believe me, I had to take a DEEP breath and to walk away !!! I had to go to work then and I was soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired all day long ... and very angry !!!! I should have known better, when I heard the door twice that night !!! I felt that something was different and ignored it.
He called me at work that day and told me that he will go and get some fresh biscuits next morning (motherīs day) and that he will cook for us. I thought it was a good idea, but didnīt want to talk to him. Well, sunday morning he slept in after going out again the night before and so we woke him up to get the biscuits - he really got up and went to get them, but then went back to sleep again :? :? :? I thought his idea was to have breakfast together with us, but I was wrong. It was my job again to make breakfast and noone was serving me :( I told him, that I was very disappointed that he didnīt even think of comforting mom a bit - especially after that very special night! He started yelling at me, that I always was asking for more and that he never said that we gonna have breakfast together - the biscuits werenīt even ment for breakfast, but for his dinner, cause I didnīt go to the stores on Saturday anymore. I was so shocked and disappointed and told him that I want him to think about how much he was hurting me by saying that. I donīt think that he understood why I was crying that morning. The two girls were sad too, cause they wanted to have a nice morning together with me and I felt guilty cause I ruined it. I didnīt talk to my son anymore that day and today I only told him that I had to see my doctor and that Iīm sick. He didnīt even look up, but said, that if I need help, I shall let him know ... I donīt think that he realizes what was happening here and that there is no need for me to feel guilty. But he shouldnīt be asking me for help for the next few days !!! Iīm really hurt and itīs sad that he didnīt think about doing something for me - not only for motherīs day, but also to show me some respect and to say "thank you" for what I did for him that night. I know that young men of his age need to hide their feelings and that itīs hard for them to be sorry, but if he canīt say it, he could at least have tried to show it somehow.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
evenstar - 15.05.2007, 05:21
Oh dear, I'm sorry your Mother's Day was ruined.
He probably knows that what he did was wrong but his ego won't let him admit it.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 15.05.2007, 18:48
Oh Annie I'm sorry as well. I know I posted somewhere else in here about what happened but I know now. Your son needs to wake up and smell the coffee......he ought to be thankful he has a mom who cares about him. I will never understand what makes kids act the way they do sometimes. Course I wonder if maybe he had a bit of alcohol poisining....for him to loose control over his self like he did.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 15.05.2007, 19:18
yes, he must have had way too much alcohol ... Iīm not used to that, cause usually he knows when to stop drinking and he knows that if he needs to puke, he should be doing it before he enters the house. You know, when I was talking to him, he seemed pretty much sober and I even told the doctor on the phone that I trust my son in not getting too drunk ... damn, I was sooooooooooooo wrong! He always says "Mom, I paid for my drinks and thatīs why Iīll keep them!" I hope heīll remember next time when heīs getting drunk !!!
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 15.05.2007, 19:49
I hope he remembers too. So this is the frist time he's gotten this drunk?
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 15.05.2007, 20:20
I donīt know! At least it was the first time I know of.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
eddiefever - 15.05.2007, 20:29
aaww ,i'm so sorry to hear all that had happend
1 of my cousins is going throught he same thing ,i just hope your Son will be handling it all better than he is
cause he and his mom ( my ant) went into a big figth twice cause his mom asked him to drinka little lesser when he would go to the Pub ( cause he gets really bad when eh drinks ,and i mean dangerous and also he gets signs of pasisng out ,they've taken him to the hospital for 2 times already for him drinking To Much )
i will be praying for your son ,that he will see how he's hurting you and that having Fun is never more important than a mothers feeling
cause you only got 1 mom :(
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Idril - 18.05.2007, 17:55
OMG! I know, why I don't drink :lol: Is he doing better by now?
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 18.05.2007, 18:14
Of course he is doing better ! He already felt better the next day ... We had a bad arguement last night and I told him that if wonīt change his attitude he will have to look for another place to stay. He is old enough and he has enough money for himself ... so no need to stay with me. I was yelling at him - he was yelling at me. I guess, it was about time. I told him that I ask for more respect, cause Iīm still his mom and he should think about things a bit more. He doesnīt take part at family life no more. He gets up in the morning, comes home from work, takes the car to go somewhere, comes back only to get ready to meet up with friends and goes to sleep. He doesnīt help me no more and he is always speaking up when I try to talk to him ... I told him all that and he finally agreed. We were talking about making ourselves more clear in future times and he said that Iīm wrong. He respects me and he loves me more than I do know! Wow ! Ok - I asked him for a hug and he hugged me and again told me that he loves me. I told him that I do love him too and that he should never forget about this ... well, I guess it helped us to make our points of view a bit more clear for each other and Iīll see what will happen now.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Idril - 18.05.2007, 18:15
wow - but it's good you two said what you thought :wink:
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 18.05.2007, 18:24
yes, it was about time!
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Idril - 18.05.2007, 18:51
*nodds* My father and my sister should do the same one day :?
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 18.05.2007, 18:57
believe me! The day will come!
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Idril - 18.05.2007, 19:00
I hope I wont be at home then lol
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
evenstar - 19.05.2007, 04:53
Wow, how sweet that your son told you those things! I think it would be very hard for an 18 year old boy/man to do!
On another note, can somebody tell me what is wrong with my home internet connection? Every now and again it will let me access any website EXCEPT the two that I use the most (myspace and hotmail)! Grr. It's so frustrating!!!
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 19.05.2007, 12:50
you are not the only one having these problems .... LOL ... right now my ICQ wonīt pop up
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 19.05.2007, 13:03
oh - and yes, itīs not easy for young men to talk about their feelings - especially not for momīs - lol - I know about these facts and I also told him that I donīt expect to tell me that he loves me - but maybe he can think about a way to show it to me once in a while. Because I need to know! When he was a little boy we used to cuddle a lot and he and I were very close. This got lost during the past years (OF COURSE), but I miss it him telling me "Mom, I love you!" My two girls still do tell me and itīs so cute when Emma comes to me saying "Mom, I love you soooooooooooooooo much" and giving me a hug and a kiss. Itīs so good to know and feel, that your kids do love you and that they need you and I am missing that soooooooooooo much with my son. To show me respect would be enough for me ... and he said that he wants to show it to me now. I know that to be cool is more important than to make Mom feel good, but I also hope that he will find a way to be cool and respectfull the same time ... my parents never helped me with that and therefore I still canīt tell them that I do love them. We didnīt use these words that much when I was a child and my dad is one of those kind who never ever show any feelings, but anger. I know that itīs caused by his own childhood - my granny had a girl dying before she gave birth to my dad and she was suffering from depressions and treated my dad as he was a girl ... hey, that can cause problems. Plus she didnīt show him much love, so how can he. But on the other hand, I didnīt get that much love from my parents and I am able to show all my love to my kids ... I tell them all the time that I love them and that Iīm so happy about having them ... itīs so important for kids to grow up with that strong feeling of love. Maybe I should tell my son a bit more often that I still do love him, although he is a young man.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Idril - 19.05.2007, 18:23
newnativspirit wrote: you are not the only one having these problems .... LOL ... right now my ICQ wonīt pop up
same here. Somehow it works (I can stay in contact with Anne) but I can't open the ICQ menu :?
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
eddiefever - 20.05.2007, 00:52
aaw it's so good that you finially talked
it's clears the air
and also a little bit of weight goes of your shouder
specially when your son tells you he loves you and respects you
i hope he will be able to show it more often
and same for you Mommy :wink: :D
i know a bit what you mean with growing up without love
well i grew up with love ,but when i was around 10 y/o my parents stopped hugging me and saying ,i love you
cause they grew up like that as wel
but later ( when i was 12 ,and going on schoolcamp) she asked me for a hug and a kiss ,cause my friends were doingt hat with their mom's as wel
and i said : No ,mom ,you crazy
she never asked for any again
i wasn't used to it ,now i'm still trying to change that ,cause it's good to feel apriciated and loved and respected
soemtimes i even regret not showing my love for my parents in the past ,but am now trying to make up for it :D
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
evenstar - 21.05.2007, 03:10
I wonder if maybe it is a generational thing. I am almost certain that my Mum has never told me that she loves me (at least not when I was old enough to remember it), and my Dad only said it from time to time, when he was lecturing me about something. That's probably why I find it so hard to say it to them too.
I was just talking to my sister about how, when we were upset, instead of comforting us, my Mum would yell at us, "What's wrong"??!!! It doesn't do much to make a child feel better.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 21.05.2007, 09:30
No, it really doesnīt - but I have to say, that sometimes itīs the only way to make a crying child listen to you - lol. Seriously, sometimes itīs just that I need to find out whatīs going on first ... example: when the kids are playing and then suddenly start fighting and crying, I donīt have any idea of what happened. So to make them listen, I need to speak up first and then finally can comfort them ... but most of the times I comfort them first - lol - and then ask them whatīs wrong.
Just this morning when I had to wake up my little one, I was lying down next to her and started telling her "hello baby, here is mommy! You need to get up!" and when she was opening her eyes I was telling her "mommy loves you" and she started smiling and putting her little arms around my neck "I love you too, mommy" - what a wonderful way to start the day !!! Right? And itīs so easy to say ...
And you are right with the generation problem! Even for my parentīs birthdays itīs hard for me to hug them - itīs a strange feeling. Iīm so glad that I now learned to hug friends, because I wasnīt able to this for years. I wasnīt used to it. Now itīs more easy for me than hugging family members ... I know, that may sound strange, but thatīs the way my parents raised me and it was actually my ex-husbandīs family who showed me how to do it ...
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
evenstar - 21.05.2007, 10:00
What you are saying is very true, as long as you comfort them once you establish what the problem is. My mother would just yell at me to find out what was going on and that was that. You know, I am making her sound awful when she really wasn't. She showed her love for us in more practical ways (like doing things for us and making sacrifices), and staying up all night worrying when we're not home. I'll never forget the heart attack I almost gave her when I had my 6 vehicle car accident!
The hugging thing is hard for me too. It took me quite a while to adjust to the whole kissing of cheeks thing, and I still have to resist the urge not to pull away when somebody tries to hug me now.
That's so sweet that you have such an open relationship with your kids. I hope that I am able to do that with my kids one day. My Mum and I are both Virgos and we tend to show that we care just by doing nice things for the people we love.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 21.05.2007, 14:13
Like Eddiefever, I grew up in a loving home however when my parents divorced (when I was 10) my dad had some major problems with feelings. In fact we got into it extremely bad (when I was older) and did not speak for a long time - then by the time I understood what was what - he was dead.
Saying I love you has never been a problem for me or letting my daughter know I love her - she still writes me little notes that say I love you and will tell me that from time to time. Her father is the one who has problems saying "I love you" though.
It is good that you and your son had a talk Anne, sometimes kids and parents don't see eye to eye and it's only because they think they know what's best for them and not us. I use to feel the same but once I became a parent - that all changed - I knew exactly what mine had gone through.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 21.05.2007, 18:18
I guess, there are a lot of things I do understand a lot better now that I got kids on my own. And sometimes when Iīm talking to my kids, I hear my parents talking to me - lol
Hey, right now I got Emma lying next to me (we are on my bed) - Iīm at the computer and Emma is watching TV - but she needed to be close to mom - she has her little head laying down on my left arm - lol. And we are both enjoying it !!! These are special moments ... you know, we are both doing what we want to do, but we are together ... Milena starts to be more on herself ... sometimes she needs me and sometimes she donīt. She is 9 y/o now and so itīs the age when they start to become young ladies and donīt want to be comforted that much - lol - itīs so hard to be cool!
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 21.05.2007, 18:27
oh yes around the age of 9 or a little older - they pull away - all of a sudden they have other interests. Moms are wonderful to talk to about things and be close to but as they grow and develop friendships - grandparents and parents sort of move over.
I know what you mean about talking to your kids and sounding like your parents did to you. My mom just grins whenever I don't understand "why" and tells me "I was the same way"
I've got to pick up Keri from school today and bring her back in to work with me. The senior's last day was Friday so Ashley cannot bring her by work - now if she wants to go home she'll have to find another ride. They are out of school tomorrow because of elections...wish I got off a day from work.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 21.05.2007, 18:30
so you wonīt be online tomorrow !!! :cry:
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 21.05.2007, 18:31
I'll be at work and on line - it's a day off for the kids. No I'll be here.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
newnativspirit - 21.05.2007, 18:33
oh - ok !!! :lol: Now I got you!
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 21.05.2007, 18:43
I'm hoping tomorrow is as dead as today is. I've literally done nothing - just answer a few students questions and play on the computer.
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
Idril - 23.05.2007, 16:51
I wish I had such days in school :lol: Today we wrote an english test. I don't know if I wrote it good or not, because I really didn't want to write it. Not because I couldn't, just because it was not like a test people of my class should write. It was too easy. :?
Re: Beware of 18 y/o sons !!!
enelya06 - 23.05.2007, 17:23
well everyone is back today but I'm still on-line :D all I do is minimize the page when I have to do something else for someone.
but I'm getting hungrey and probably should go fix one of my Healthy Choice Meals......I went by Arbys yesterday after work and about the only thing good from there are their sandwishes and turnovers - I've never had fries or potato cakes so ugh...they deep fry them and you can't even taste the potato.
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