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To: Bush Administration, U.N.

We, the undersigned, request that as an alternative to war on Iraq, a team of elite ninja assassins be employed to take out Saddam Hussein. We feel that this method would result in significantly less American casualties, less innocent Iraqi civilians being slaughtered, less damage to the infrastructure of Iraq, and would preserve much of the oil that would otherwise be ignited by bombings. Also, we believe that ninja assassins are really, really cool.

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