Alle Beiträge und Antworten zu "inconsequence..."
metalamazon - 14.05.2006, 15:31
I found this on another board.
It´s not overly funny, but I liked it.
HELLOWEEN discuss stuff.
I find it too difficult to play guitar and sing at the same time.
Let's get another singer then. Let's call that kid we know.
They call MICHAEL KISKE and ask him to join.
I don't want to, your music is too heavy and fast, it hurts my ears.
HELLOWEEN then calls RALPH SCHEEPERS.
Sorry guys, I believe TYRAN PACE is going to be huge.
HELLOWEEN calls MICHAEL KISKE. Again.
We'll write lighter stuff and slow down a little bit if you join us. Much to KAI HANSEN's dismay.
OK then, but I want to write songs, too. How do you say this music is called? Heavy Rock?
MICHAEL KISKE joins HELLOWEEN and they release the KEEPER OF THE SEVEN KEYS albums. They become HUGE.
Management sucks, and I don't like the direction the band wants to take. I want out.
I am the leader now, bow down to me or I'll leave the band! Let's write a new album, it'll be called PINK BUBBLES GO APE and will be lighter and slower than the KEEPERS. I also demand to be the main writer or I'll leave the band!
Ok, but please don't leave us.
MICHAEL WEIKATH (Thinking)
Damn this kid, but we need him now that KAI HANSEN left.
HELLOWEEN releases PINK BUBBLES GO APE. Some fans go WTF.
For the next album, I want the music to be even lighter, and with ORCHESTRA parts, too. I also want acoustic guitars, lots and lots of them. And I want us to be the best ROCK POP band ever!
Not sure about that, you know? We are a metal band and...
MICHAEL KISKE (Interrupting).
I'll leave you!
OK, maybe after all it's not such a bad idea, we can experiment a little and then go back to metal.
HELLOWEEN releases CHAMELEON. It's utterly DESPISED by most fans.
What? What happened? This cannot be, we are HELLOWEEN! We are UNIQUE and FUNNY and...
And ROCK POP.
So what? It's all about ARTISTIC EXPRESSION and TRUE ART. You don't understand because you are morons. Only those who LIKE CHAMELEON are NOT.
MICHAEL WEIKATH (Thinking).
Ever since KAI HANSEN left I've wanted to be the leader, but this MICHAEL KISKE is in the way, now it's the time to get rid of him.
MICHAEL KISKE becomes ballistic, bitter and angry at all things, especially metal. He snaps. Permanently. He also swears REVENGE. Christian Revenge and Unforgiveness (TM).
KAI HANSEN calls MICHAEL KISKE.
Would you like to do some guest vocals for the upcoming GAMMA RAY album?
Yes. I need money. I've been a pauper since I'VE LEFT HELLOWEEN by MY OWN WILL last year. Let's do it.
OMG! OMG! MICHAEL KISKE is back into METAL!! We love him, forever!
NO! NO! I just did that because.. as a FAVOR for an old friend. I hate METAL! It's EVIL and stuff. I'll write a book about how the world is so corrupt and bad and how it doesn't follow MY ideas of what is TRUE ART.
I'm out of money again. I haven't finished my book yet, so I can't be rich and famous. But once I'll publish it everyone will see me as the true and only MESSIAH. In the meantime, I'll record an album. Problem is only the METAL dorks know who I am.
aaah - I know! I'll hardrockify it! Haha, I am so GENIUS. That way no one can say I'm back into METAL.
MICHAEL KISKE requests aid from two very UNMETAL persons. KAI HANSEN and ADRIAN SMITH.
INSTANT CLARITY is released. It's accepted as an "OK" hard rock / metal album.
MICHAEL KISKE becomes angry at the METAL tag after the slash. He also publishes a BOOK. NOBODY but KISKE FANBOYS ever read it.
I announce I'm leaving the hard rock / metal scene FOREVER. My next album will be POP!
READINESS TO SACRIFICE is released. The album BLOWS and BOMBS.
No one understands what TRUE ART is anymore. METAL is corrupt and dumb and dead and noisy. TRUE ART can't be expressed through METAL. It can only be expressed through what I SAY.
TOBIAS SAMMET calls MICHAEL KISKE.
You are my idol and my role model. I have buillt up an altar with your image. Would you like to sing in a metal opera I'm working on?
Yes. But I don't want my name to appear in the credits.
I don't get it.
I'm out of metal.
I see, but well, this is a METAL opera and...
Shut up. I need money. I'll think of a clever pseudonym. I'll get back to you when I'm ready.
After much thinking, MICHAEL KISKE comes up with the pseudonym of ERNIE.
I am such a GENIUS. No one will ever know that ERNIE is me!
AVANTASIA is released. Everyone talks about MICHAEL KISKE's participation in the album.
We thought the guy was out of metal.
I AM! You morons! Can't you see that's not me? That's ERNIE.
Just to be sure, I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again.
I am releasing a superb solo album. I want you to sing in a song. I respect your wishes of unmetalness. So I'll make your song a sappy ballad.
MICHAEL KISKE accepts. HYMN TO LIFE is released. No one but STRATOVARIUS fans care.
ROLAND GRAPOW and ULI KUSCH
We were kicked out of HELLOWEEN. We want you to be the singer of our new band MASTERPLAN!
I'm out of metal.
ROLAND GRAPOW and ULI KUSCH.
We understand, but could you make a guest appearance at least? We'll write a song for you and pay you.
MASTERPLAN's debut album is released. It's widely accepted.
Wait a second. Isn't that... MICHAEL KISKE? We thought he was out of metal...
I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again. And again! This time I mean it. That's why I'll record a new album with a few hard rock elements in it. Or even Alternative. Don't know yet. I'll think of a catchy and clever name for it.
SUPARED is released. Only KISKE FANBOYS like it. The album BOMBS.
I know what's happening. I'm an in this world. My music is so advanced and genuine that just a few enlightened souls comprehend it. Therefore I know humanity will never understand TRUE ART and TRUE MUSIC, which is the one only I DO.
HARD ROCK / METAL fans.
Isn't that SUPARED album kind hard rockish? We thought MICHAEL KISKE was out of that...
gives him a call and asks for his participation on his new project, AINA - The Metal Opera.
Forget it, I'm out of Metal and won't sing Metalsongs ever again
alright, then you'll sing the 2 slow ballads and TOBI SAMMET is going to sing the fast metal song, and we pretend that you were sick at the moment where the metalsong should've been recorded. And hey - I'll pay you!
alright, count me in, I'm a great artist and love pop- and slowsongs except metalsongs!
SUPARED continues to recieve negative or bland reviews. MICHAEL KISKE feels himself threatened so much, he releases a NEW and NEVER BEFORE seen statement.
I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again. I don't fit.
wants MICHAEL KISKE on his solo CD
No, I don't want to, Metal stinks!
hm, and what about when we say that you'll sing the most important song of that CD? besides, I'll pay you!
yeah, cool, I'm such a important person and therefore I have to get all the fame! I'm in!
THALION, one of Brazil's Metal shooting stars, ask MICHAEL KISKE to do a song with them for their new album, "Another Sun"
you're Metal? piss off, as I said 100000000000000 times before, I HATE Metal. Popmusic is my life.
think about it. Besides the money you'll have a date with our hot female teenage vocalist.
Does she love popmusic too?
uhm... not sure about this - wait a minute... yes, of course she does!
cool - has she big boobies yet?
for sure dude!
woohoo - I'll do it!
calls it quit.
Wong Chung Bang - 18.05.2006, 14:59
Yes, I did think that Kiske went slightly mad around the time that Kai left Helloween. Actually I find it surprising just how interconnected every metal band in Europe seems to be.
Thierry - 24.05.2006, 00:30
What about Place Vendome? :P
Funny tho, I loved it ^^
metalamazon - 25.05.2006, 02:34
Maybe it was written before Place Vendome? :?:
I only found it on some other board, but I liked the way the guy who wrote it had made his point. :)
Helloweenie - 29.05.2006, 00:48
Michael Kiske & Masterplan?
Well, now, since Jorn left MASTERPLAN, Kiske might be their new singer! :-P
PS.: Would be different statement of him finally joining Metal officially again! And I think the choice would be great, Uli and Roland are cool and kind guys!!!!
metalamazon - 29.05.2006, 18:10
That would be really great. But somehow I doubt that it will happen.
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